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Whose Job Is It to Prevent
Divorce?
Ronald D. Bryant
“An ounce of prevention is better than a
pound of cure.” Preventing a tragedy is better than picking
up the pieces after one. Preventing a divorce is possible, and it
is reasonable. Whose responsibility is it to prevent divorce? You
guessed it. The responsibility of preventing divorce is delegated
to each married person ~ they signed on the day they got married.
The following is a list of responsibilities to be recognized and
honored by each marriage partner, in the maintenance of their marriage.
If you do not want a divorce, put your mate first.
Priority is to be given to your mate. Be a blessing to your children
- love your mate! The greatest gift you can give your son or daughter
is the security they will experience in a home where mom and dad
love each other, and dwell together in love and peace.
If you do not want a divorce, learn to express
love and devotion to your mate. You have the right to shower your
mate with love. You have the right to be devoted to your mate, in
the fulfillment of his or her needs. Thoughtfulness and tenderness,
mutual care and respect, are as appropriate after several years
of marriage as they were during the first year of marriage. Learn
from your mate what love and devotion is to them.
If you do not want a divorce, learn to value and
esteem your mate. Anyone can wreck a house, but it takes skill to
build a home. It takes integrity and honor to build up one’s
mate. Communicate acceptance and respect not rejection — the
rejection syndrome must be broken and abandoned. The art of the
put-down is not something anyone should cultivate.
If you do not want a divorce, learn the joy of
togetherness. Working together is your privilege. Playing together
can be your delight. Being together can be a joy — if you
will cultivate the spirit of adventure and sharing life. Mutual
respect, care, interest, and devotion can cultivate the spirit of
adventure and sharing life. Mutual respect, care, interest, and
devotion can be cultivated. Both you and your mate have the need
for these and on a daily basis. Make known your need for and delight
in being together.
If you do not want a divorce, learn to focus upon
common goals. If a couple had a worthy goal and are working together
to reach it — they will be together in thought and action.
Daily responsibilities and schedules take you into different realms
— therefore look for common ground in common goals.
If you do not want a divorce, learn to listen to
your mate. Listening, paying attention, endeavoring to understand
your mate is your privilege. Engaging in respectful conversation
requires both talking and listening. No one likes to be ignored.
No one likes to be “steam-rolled” in a conversation.
Your mate will not be compelled to engage in verbal assault if you
learn to listen. Put out a sign that says, “small talk is
appreciated.” If you have the small talks the more significant
conversation will come easier. Tell your mate, “I love the
sound of your voice” — then prove it by listening.
If you do not want a divorce, learn to communicate
with your mate from the heart. Speak from the heart, revealing the
things that are on your heart. No one can read your mind, and your
mate wants to know what is on your heart. Do not brood, do not stonewall.
The silent treatment comes across as a punishment technique. It
is not masculine, nor is it feminine. To speak from the heart and
reveal your inner thoughts to your mate is vital in building intimacy.
If you do not want a divorce, reject the temptation
to run away from problems. You have made a covenant to “keep
yourself” - to be faithful to one another until death. Reject
the interference of in-laws, relatives, and friends. “Cleave”
to one another. You cannot do that if you run away. Determine to
be “solution oriented.”
If you do not want a divorce, learn to apologize.
Unless you are the rarest of persons, you will make mistakes. Rule
of thumb: When wrong, admit it. When you have offended, apologize!
Remember: Next to “I love you,” the sweetest words are
“I was wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me.” Sincere
apology is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of maturity, love,
and integrity. Forgiveness covers a multitude of sins.
If you do not want a divorce, daily accept your
marriage as a gift from God, and as a post of duty to which He has
called you. God gave you your marriage. Honoring Him in your marriage
includes honoring your mate. Your first priority: share your life
with God. Your second priority: share your life with your mate.
Your third priority: share your life with your children. Your fourth
priority: make a living. Your fifth priority: share your life with
those about you.
From the Christian perspective, a husband and wife
are to live together, before God, according to knowledge, in devotion
to God and in devotion to one another. They are to remember and
cherish the fact that their marriage is God’s arrangement.
They have entered into covenant before Him. They are privileged
to know the joys of marriage and are expected to fulfill the vows
of marriage, in obedience and honor to God.
Marriages are made in heaven! The maintenance work
takes place on earth!
—The Gospel Gleaner
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